WHERE ARE THOSE FATHERS?
AGNIESZKA PORZEZIŃSKA
Women would not be going out into streets to fight for ‘their’ rights, if they felt loved, if they did not lose sense of safety at home
Poland was overwhelmed by a wave of discussions on abortion in relation to the civic bill draft which prohibits killing children in the phase of prenatal development.
Worrying absence
I was interestingly listening to discussions in media and I was sad to observe protests in the streets of cities. Both discussions and the street marches were attended mainly by women. What was worrying was the lack of men. It seemed that today’s children have mothers but they do not have fathers or that fathers have nothing to say when it concerns the fate of their children. It seems to me that on the one hand, such a situation is a sign of men’s escape from parental responsibility, but on the other hand – this is the result of subordinating to the dictate of the feminists who want to make the society believe that a child is the matter of only a woman, not of both parents’. In the dispute about abortion there are a lot of arguments, and a simple answer to most of them would be supporting presence of men, their true engagement. Women would not come out into streets, if they did not fight for ‘their’ rights, if they felt loved, if they did not lose the sense of safety at home.
A brave man
A priest I know, told me about his recent meeting with students and talk about abortion. One of young men participating in this meetings said in presence of a few hundred mates that if he had been married and his wife had been pregnant, but she had been in a serious crisis and told that she wanted to have abortion done, he would have defended a baby, to whom he had passed over life and for whom he had felt responsible. The student explained that in that situation he would have gone with his wife to doctor changed into a paid murderer. He would have told him that he is the father of the child and he would not have let anybody do a harm to his child. If it had not been enough, he would have defended the mother and the child with his own body. He would have defended life of the child in all possible ways, with using physical strength, as he would have been behaving in the necessary defence of his child, who is not able to defend himself from death. The student about whom I am writing belongs to very few men, who are ready to bear responsibility for the fate of their children and for whom it is obvious that nobody has a right to deprive parents of their rights and duties. Escape from responsibility for what one has caused is the betrayal of men’s identity, because fatherhood has been naturally inscribed in it.
Responsibility of both parents
Both parents are responsible for the fate of their child in each phase of his development. Being a devoted husband and father is the fundamental act in life defence. When it concerns abortion, the main culprit is not a child’s mother but father. It happens not only when a father persuades his wife or partner to kill a child. It also happens when a child’s father disappears or suggests that a woman must choose between him and her child, and then he stops supporting his child’s mother financially. If a father of a conceived child does not support a woman with love with whom he cohabited, or does not take any interest in the fate of his descendant to whom he passed over life, he becomes co-responsible for abortion. If at least one of spouses does not love, another person is afraid of undertaking the effort of parenthood as she is afraid of the perspective of bringing up a child as a single parent, especially when a child needs the presence and love of both parents. There is nothing worse for a woman than the lack of a man’s support, whose child she is carrying under her heart.
Openness to life
Abortion is excluded by spouses and parents who are befriended with God and who understand that only He can teach them faithful and fertile love. God’s first command concerns just this aspect: ‘Be fertile and breed one another!’. For spouses, who learn love from God, who entrust their concerns to Him, fertility is not a burden or a curse, but joy and blessing, and children are the biggest treasure for such spouses. They also accept those children trustfully, who are not planned or are severely ill.
A mother protected with love
For a woman who is happy to be a woman, accepting and bringing up a child is a privilege and joy. It is necessary to speak about this privilege more often because the natural conception of a child becomes very difficult because of stress and frustrations, too quick pace of life, food of poor quality or using pharmaceuticals. Joy of motherhood is complete and permanent for women when they use God’s support every day. And it is more wonderful when a woman feels such support also from her loving father who treated her from her birth as a treasure, loved her, had time, gave fondness and who shows her love and support also on her adult life. An ideal situation? Well, but also in non-ideal situations – in which we, adult children of our parents, did not experience enough love in childhood or we do not experience it now – have a chance – thanks to God and more awareness – to give our children love in such a way so that they would pass it over to others without any fear.
Children protected with love
I like talking with my children about what they experience and what they think about their own conscience. I breathe with relief when my daughters say that they are glad with the fact that they live, because it proves that they feel loved. Their answer is a confirmation form me that as a family we are going to a good direction because only love protects a man – in every phase of his earthly existence. Parental love turns out to be little and cowardly only when marital love turns out to be so.
AA
„Niedziela” 43/2016